


know the wreckage so well

by khurst



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Cat Grant Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, F/F, I don't remember what a kiss is, No other characters, POV Cat Grant, Supergirl thinks she killed Cat, don't hate me, mention of Carter, or does she?, short cameo of Alex Danvers, the one where Cat dies, we focus on the important bits here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29225235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khurst/pseuds/khurst
Summary: Cat is in such dire danger that instead of a safe house, the FBI decides to fake her death and a perfect opportunity arises when Supergirl miscalculates during a fight and throes a foe through the 40th floor of CatCo...Yes, an hour after I tweeted that I got impatient and wrote it myself.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Cat Grant
Comments: 19
Kudos: 116





	know the wreckage so well

**Author's Note:**

> Despite taking over my mind for almost three full days, this is terribly rushed and other than my very own eyes a few minutes after finishing, this has also not seen any editing. I apologize for any horrible mistakes.
> 
> This is mostly - mostly because I have a tendency to switch PoVs - written from Cat’s perspective. I don’t know why. It just developed like this on its own.  
> If anyone feels inspired to write it from Kara’s perspective, I really wouldn’t mind that. (Actually, please do that because I want to read it, but my own mind is a stubborn c*nt and wouldn’t let me write it!)
> 
> Extra points for anyone who can identify the lyrics I shamelessly used.

The steady influx of horrible headlines wouldn’t stop.

Ranging from “National City lost its Queen” and “Supergirl wreaks havoc” to the distasteful “Supergirl kills Cat Grant - The antihero of its generation” it seemed all media outlets were throwing everything they had at this.

All contact to the outside world had been severed, but the one thing she wouldn’t let them take from her was access to information - she needed to stay up-to-date and know what she would have to deal with when she returned. And she would return. There was no alternative.

Otherwise, all of this would be for nothing.

* * *

It had been 6 days now, since Cat had watched in horror as half of the 40th floor was demolished in the latest airborne fight. 

One second she was comfortably on her couch with a glass of wine, her eyes glued to her TV as the CatCo copters followed Supergirl's attempt to steer the latest villain away from the inner city. A moment later she watched in horror as CatCo was heavily damaged when Supergirl’s grip slipped and the ugly purple blob crashed through what Cat assumed was her office and the bull pen. 

She saw Supergirl stop for a second and hesitate, then follow the alien and come out the other side, death grip on the creature’s throat as she rushed him towards the concrete below. Anxiously waiting for her hero to reemerge, she almost missed the clicking of the door.

Before she could even utter a curse her apartment was stormed by several people in black uniforms. The glass was taken from her and she was ushered out of her apartment, into the elevator, down to the parking garage and into an inconspicuous van. 

When she finally had a chance to look around, she recognized two of the agents. They had been stationed at her door for personal protection for the last few days.

“What is going…”

“Shhh.” One of the agents she didn’t know interrupted her rudely.

When she attempted to speak again, the agent to her left - was it Withers? - quickly shook her head and gestured for her to stay quiet. The warning look spoke volumes and Cat understood that this was not the time.

Something must have happened and they were protecting her. She had no desire to actually die, so she stayed silent, carefully observing her surroundings. She tried to look out the front and jumped a little when Withers touched her arm and held a piece of paper out for her.

‘ _No other way. Sorry._ ’

Cat swallowed heavily and nodded, understanding that whatever happened next - she would not like it. Not even a little bit.

* * *

“You what?”

“We had you pronounced dead, Miss Grant.” Withers averted her eyes downward as her superior repeated the words in a matter-of-fact voice. “You died in your office in the recent altercation that damaged CatCo.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a fact. Cat Grant was dead. And here she stood and had to accept that if she wanted to live.

“Does my son…?”

“I’m sorry, no.” The stoic agent shook his head. “We can’t take any chances. And given your connections to agents in other departments, your current status and whereabouts are on a need to know basis. No one but the 5 people in this room know you’re alive.”

She wasn’t stupid. And apparently neither were they. They knew of her connection to Agent Danvers. Which meant they did not plan on letting Supergirl know that she was alive.

Which meant that Kara, sweet, gentle-hearted Kara was probably thinking she was responsible for Cat Grant’s death.

“They will announce the news tonight. Your son will have been personally informed by then.”

* * *

“Why now? Why this?” She quietly asked when she was left alone with Harris - the other agent she knew from the prior week. He was young, but he seemed capable and she trusted him. He had been nice to Carter.

“It was the perfect opportunity we’ve been waiting for.” His voice was apologetic.

“You knew? You planned this?”

“It was now or waiting for them to actually make an attempt on your life.” Harris paused, “Would you have preferred the alternative?”

The alternative, Cat knew, would be a chance for them succeeding, for her actually dying before there was even a court date. And yet…

* * *

It took two days for them to grant her access to a television set and Cat wasn’t sure if that was because they didn’t want her to watch the news or if it really took them two days to find a set old enough to not be traceable.

But ever since they set it up she spent her waking hours glued to the small screen.

It was horrible. It was gut wrenching and nightmare inducing. But she couldn’t look away.

The hand that held her coffee - disgusting coffee, not nearly the quality she was used to since Kara had started working for her - halted mid-way when the word funeral service fell.

 _“Yes Samantha,”_ she heard the host say, _“they are holding it this Sunday afternoon to allow as many people to attend as possible.”_ That would be three days from now, Cat thought, three days to mentally prepare herself. Surely CatCo would cover it and she hoped it would be decent coverage and not slander.

 _“And her son organized it?”_ Oh no. _OH NO_.

_“Yes, our sources say he had help from CatCo colleagues - I believe her assistant was mentioned - and we expect to hear him speak at the funeral.”_

_“That should be interesting. They have been estranged for many years. Do you have any news on her younger son?”_

_“He’s heavily shielded from the media at the moment. Understandably, no serious news outlet would go near him. The few reporters who have tried getting footage of him are facing legal consequences from what we’ve heard.”_

Cat couldn’t help the sob that escaped her at the realization that whoever was in charge, was protecting Carter. And that it was not him who had organized her funeral service, but Adam.

She felt some nagging guilt deep down, but rationally she knew that the distance between Adam and her would make this easier on him. But Carter? Her sweet Carter must be devastated.

And Kara...she had apparently helped organize. Of course she had. Despite everything that happened with Adam. Despite what she must be feeling right now. That girl had always been helpful to her own detriment.

The weight of the world already on her shoulders.

And now she would be carrying this.

Cat turned off the TV and the room was suddenly engulfed in heavy silence. She knew this of course. Had grappled with the reality of it for days now. Kara would blame herself. Cat had seen her grasp slip. Had seen her hesitate. Cat knew Kara well enough to know the girl blamed herself.

And how she wished she could take this from her.

* * *

She knew she shouldn’t.

But it was her chance to see Kara. Adam. Maybe even Carter.

She knew she shouldn’t turn on the TV, but how could she not?

Withers muted it when she realized what Cat was watching and Cat let her. She didn’t want to hear it anyway. She just wanted to see their faces.

The images of people clad in black was interspersed with footage of CatCo - Cat couldn’t tell if it was old or new - repeatedly talking about the horrible event and emphasising the devastation by showing the gaping hole in the side of her building.

She desperately searched for the people she really wanted to see, cursing the camera crew under her breath when her expectations were met with the wrong faces. There was her mother - of course - shrouded in black and heavy on the dramatics. Cat huffed, realising that even her own daughter's death presented her mother with a stage. Grinding her teeth as she stared at the woman, she almost missed it. The crouching figure in the corner of the screen. The long black coat shielding most of her, but the blond ponytail was unmistakable. She was kneeling, her arms holding on to someone. The camera angle was all wrong and she couldn’t see Kara’s face, couldn’t see who she was talking to. But she had an inkling.

Cat’s heart was hammering, her hands forming into tight fists, nails biting into her sweaty palms as she both wished the camera man to move to the side and was simultaneously scared of what she would see.

And then someone stepped to the side, blocking the view, forcing the camera to the side and Cat thought it was over. But the camera swept back and Cat heard someone gasp. It took her a moment to realize the sound came from her.

There they were. Both of them. Carter was shielded by a group of people. With Adam standing a little to the side the people closest to her youngest son were not the ones she was expecting. 

A tall blonde woman close to Cat's age had a hand on Carter’s shoulder and a woman with dark reddish hair was holding his hand. But Carter’s eyes were glued to Kara as if his life depended on it. And Kara, kneeling at his feet, putting herself at eye level with him, was holding on to his shoulders.

The camera zoomed in and for a second Cat thought, she could make out what Kara was saying, but then the camera moved to sweep over the crowd and the last glimpse she caught was Kara pulling her son into her arms without any resistance.

The camera focused back on the people gathering around her mother and Cat suddenly felt the bile rise. This was too much. She was going to be sick. Her heart hammered wildly and she felt the uncontrollable trembling start. She couldn’t do this in front of the agents. She couldn't do this at all.

Cat stood on shaky legs and dismissed Wither’s worried look with a short wave of her hand. When she closed the bathroom door behind her, Cat sagged down on the cool tiles and leaned her forehead against the thick wooden door.

Pressing her hand against her closed eyes, she tried to get her breathing under control. She knew she was having a panic attack, was painfully aware of it. But she couldn't do this. Not now.

Feeling the cold of the floor against her legs help ground her, Cat lay flat on the floor, hands on her stomach while she concentrated on the air filling her lungs, focused on the rise and fall of her own chest.

_I’m so sorry._

_I’m so sorry._

_I’m so sorry._

The image of Kara’s lips forming those words for her son filled her mind like a mantra.

The _I can do this_ from the last few days was morphing into _I’m so sorry_ and all Cat could do to keep from losing her mind was give in to the all-encompassing grief and guilt.

* * *

“Withers?” Her voice was quiet. There was nothing demanding about it. It was enough to make the agent look up with concern.

“Miss Grant?”

“Can you find something out for me?”

“That depends on what you want to know, Miss Grant.” Withers admitted regretfully. They were both aware that in order to keep her committed to the cause, Cat’s access to inside information was limited.

“I need to know who is taking care of my son, Carter.” At Withers’ slightly confused expression she elaborated. “He’s not close with his brother and I didn’t see his father at the funeral. I just...I need to know he’s taken good care of.”

“No one told you?”

“Told me what exactly?”

“I thought they cleared it with you…” Withers’ mind started to wander before she focused back on Cat. “There were two requests for temporary custody. Your penthouse and his father’s house were overrun by paparazzi and his father was unwilling to deal with the situation.”

“Chris abandoned him?” Cat was furious. Of all the things her ex had ever done, this surely must be rock bottom. She heard a clearly disgusted snort from the agent.

“Stormed out of your penthouse and told the agents to contact your mother.”

“Please tell me they did not…” Cat’s face contorted in horror and Withers’ was quick to reassure her.

“They had to and they did, but Carter requested your assistant be contacted.”

“He’s with Kara?”

“No ma’am. The custody requests came from your mother - as you probably guessed - and Mrs. Danvers.”

“Kara Danver’s mother…” Cat said to herself, realising why the Danvers had been with Carter.

“Agent Danvers streamlined the request when your assistant was unavailable for us.”

“But Carter doesn’t even know her.” Cat was still confused as to why Kara’s mother would request temporary custody and why it obviously had been granted.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have all the details,” Withers’ shrugged. “But from what I’ve been told, both your son and Miss Danvers are currently with Mrs. Danvers at her home outside of National City. It was Carter’s choice and it was deemed safe.”

“Thank you.” It was enough information for Cat and she was grateful Withers was willing and able to share as much as she had.

She knew Carter was safe and with someone who - as much as Cat could tell after meeting the woman only once - would take good care of him. Eliza Danvers had seemed like a nice woman and - what was more important - a good mother. But the information that was really of value to Cat was the fact that Kara was with him. Carter trusted Kara and Cat was sure they would find some comfort in their shared grief. Kara knew what it felt like to lose her parents. She would be there for Carter even if it wasn’t in any official capacity.

And if she was as wrecked by guilt as Cat assumed it was no wonder she hadn’t made an official request to take Carter in.

At this point, Cat was simultaneously glad that Carter was not with her own mother and furious that neither his brother nor his father had the balls to support Carter!

* * *

_“To be honest, Samantha, I was not surprised. Considering her close connection to CatCo we can safely assume that she feels guilty.”_

_“Is that why we haven’t seen Supergirl lately?”_

_“It may be. It’s not clear yet what the general consensus is about Supergirl’s involvement in Cat Grant’s death. While she didn’t actively attack her this time, her absence may not do her any favours with the people of National City. It may be seen as an admission of guilt.”_

Cat turned the volume down to a barely audible level and looked over to Withers. “Is that true?” she asked, concern clearly written all over her face. “There were no Supergirl sightings?”

“It’s true, Ma’am.” Withers admitted, mouth in a thin line.

* * *

It took 5 more weeks.

5 weeks that made Cat believe she would go crazy before she could ever return home.

5 weeks that made her almost die of boredom.

5 weeks that saw her lose too much weight because everything seemed unappealing.

5 weeks without any news about her family.

3 weeks without news of Supergirl.

2 weeks of red and blue blurs that didn’t show a face because she never stayed, never lingered.

2 weeks of Supergirl being back, but no sign of sweet Kara’s return.

And then finally, Agent Harris returned with two more people and they took her official statement. On paper and on video.

They couldn’t risk putting her on the witness list until last minute. They couldn’t risk bringing her to the court house.

And in the end, she was only allowed to leave her safe house when the trial was over.

It was very anticlimactic really and Cat was almost disappointed.

Almost - because nothing could dampen the joy of anticipation of taking Carter into her arms and assure him that she was alive and well and everything would be fine.

* * *

And then it turned out Carter would have to wait a little while longer.

Because Cat had been stupid and slipped. And now they knew that she knew.

So their first stop was the DEO.

And if Cat was honest, it was second best to seeing Carter. She would see Kara.

And this time, Cat swore, she wouldn’t hold back.

Kara had spent weeks thinking she was dead. And Cat had spent weeks agonizing over the emotional turmoil she must have caused Kara. Kara deserved better and Cat was finally ready and willing to give her more.

* * *

She couldn’t read the expression on Kara’s face. It looked like she had turned to stone. Not a single muscle was twitching, the girl's eyes not wavering from hers. 

“Hey.” she uttered. And then she thought she saw something, a flicker of something breaking inside Kara. And before Cat could reach out to her or say anything else, she felt a draft of air and the girl was gone.

Cat looked around perplexed until her eyes found Alex’.

“Give her time,” Alex said gently. “When the news broke...she was...it was hard on her.” Alex shrugged, unable to properly describe what it had done to Kara.

When Cat had enough of waiting, she went in search of Kara. Alex had given her a plan of the possible rooms she could be in if she was even still in the building, including one that no one but Kara apparently had access to.

In the end Cat found her in the training room. Breathing heavily, head hanging low, a literal heap of misery. And Cat hesitantly stepped inside trying to ignore the horrible ambient light, and lowered herself on her knees a few inches from Kara. Carefully inching closer, desperate to reach out, but not wanting to scare her off again she registered the tears and the pain on the younger woman's face.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Alex stern voice boomed from behind Cat.

Cat saw her handle the screen at the wall and realized the green glow around them was dimming. When she looked back at Kara she saw some of the pain leave her features.

“What is that?” Cat asked, her gaze not leaving Kara but it was clear the question was meant for Alex.

“It helps her train at human levels.” Alex said without really explaining. When Cat looked at her curiously she added, “She turned it up to dangerous levels.”

Alex looked furious and Cat didn’t blame her. She felt her own jaw tense as she looked back at the girl on the ground in front of her.

“I’ll leave you to it. Get her out of here if she tries to dial it up again.” At Cat’s sceptical look she added, “If she does it, you’ll be able to drag her like a kitten.”

The pun was not lost on Cat, but she had other priorities right now, so she let it slide with merely mild death glare causing Alex to chuckle as she walked back out.

When the door had closed, Cat turned back towards Kara, who still sat staring at the floor breath coming out in short gasps. As if Kara was trying to keep the world out and her emotions in.

“Look at me.” Cat tried another futile attempt of coaxing the young woman to look at her. “Please, look at me.”

She didn’t give an inch and Cat couldn’t say if it was because she was struggling with anger, shock or sadness. She hoped it was anger. She deserved anger. She could deal with anger.

She laid her hands on Kara’s knees and felt the girl tense. A reaction at least, even if it wasn’t the one she was hoping for. She moved her hands up a little and noticed Kara averting her eyes even further. Clearly she was trying desperately not to look at Cat.

“Kara,” Cat tried again, taking one of Kara’s hands and cradling it against her own face, hoping the name and physical contact would provoke a reaction. “Kara, please look at me.”

It took a second. First there was a twitch against her cheek. Then a tiny gasp, a stuttering breath, then silence when Kara finally lifted her eyes. Wild eyes that frantically searched Cat’s face. Fingers that suddenly moved against her skin, gently tracing her face. Then Kara’s other hand lifted as if she had no control over it and placed itself over Cat’s heart.

“I killed you.” It was a broken whisper, more of a frayed whimper than anything else, and so quiet that Cat barely heard it.

“I’m here.” She reassured Kara, scooting closer.

“I thought…”

“I know,” Cat took her into her arms and pressed their bodies together. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“You’re here.” Kara buried her face against Cat’s neck, pressed her even closer, straining to keep her strength in check. “You’re not dead.”

Cat didn’t reply. There was nothing she could say. Nothing she could do but let Kara process that she was alive and here. As much as she wanted to, Cat couldn’t take the weeks of pain away. She couldn't undo the agony she had caused. But she could be here now. She could move forward and make sure things would change.

And after everything that had happened, the things she had witnessed from afar, they needed to talk. Things between them needed to change. Cat was finally ready to admit that. And all it took was for her to die.

Cat kissed the side of Karas face and was heavily aware of the gasp it elicited from the girl.

Kara had been so stiff and unresponsive that Cat was not prepared for the speed and eagerness with which arms wound around her and pulled her so close so suddenly that Cat was just glad Kara remembered to keep her strength in check. Even with the Kryptonite emitters still glowing softly, Kara was strong and Cat felt the iron grip now searing her to the younger woman as Kara buried her face against Cat’s neck. There was nothing shy about the way Kara breathed her in. And there was definitely no mistaking the wetness that Cat felt against her neck.

“I’m so sorry they did that to you.” She whispered into Kara’s hair as the girl clung to her as if her life depended on it.

Her death may not have been real but the feelings around it were. And that wouldn’t just go away. They would need to work through that. And if Cat had any say in it, she knew exactly where they could do that.

* * *

It was the tenth sigh, or maybe the twentieth? Cat had lost count at some point. Just as she had lost count of the papers she had already signed. This was bordering on a cruel joke.

She had spent weeks in isolation being scared and depressed and bored out of her mind. They had had more than enough time to have her sign this ridiculous amount of NDAs. Cat herself usually had her employees sign so many NDAs before they even started working for her it was basically illegal to even breathe out of the CatCo windows. But this?

She huffed again. This was just torture for torture’s sake.

“This is stupid,” Cat heard from the other side of the room, glancing up to see Kara carefully kicking the wall, clearly annoyed but not wanting to waste anymore time explaining why she destroyed government property. She couldn’t help but grin at the formidable pout on Kara’s face.

“It’s my own fault. I should have kept my mouth shut.” She was annoyed as well, but she was well aware that this wouldn’t have happened if she had been more careful with her words. “And they are trying to keep you safe. I can’t really begrudge them that.”

Kara looked at her with a gentle expression then and walked over to sit across from her, tidying up the pile of papers Cat had already signed. “They could have let you sign these weeks ago,” Kara complained without much conviction making Cat smile again.

“They probably thought it wouldn’t be necessary,” Cat quipped without much thought as she graced another sheet of paper with the graceful swirl of her signature and moved it on top of the pile Kara was cradling.

The sudden loud gasp made her look up. Kara’s face was dark and a far stretch from unreadable. Replaying her own words in her mind, Cat realized her mistake and moved her hand over Kara’s, squeezing gently to take the bite out of her thoughtless comment. “Let’s just finish these as quickly as possible and get out of here, hm?”

* * *

“Before we go in,” Cat stopped her with a hand on her arm, “I need to say something.”

Kara’s hand stopped before turning the handle and she looked back at Cat, the expression on her face a mixture of insecurity and curiosity.

“This will have no repercussions for you and I need you to understand that I don’t expect anything, but-” Cat hesitated and swallowed heavily, making Kara turn around and face her fully- “I love you.”

It was just a fraction of a second when Cat considered bolting because Kara would reject her. A short moment when she couldn't read the woman who wore her heart on her sleeve. But before she could really form a coherent thought, she felt gentle hands and Kara’s warm breath on her face.

“Oh Cat,” she whispered reverently before pressing their lips together.

It was short and innocent and Cat leaned back before either one of them could deepen the kiss.

“I’m sorry for making this so hard,” she admitted.

“It’s not,” Kara gave back without thought. “Loving you is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done.”

She quickly leaned back in. “And for the record,” she breathed against Cat’s lips before claiming another kiss, “I love you, too.”

Later she would admit to Cat that she had thought love was hard here. Since arriving on Earth she had struggled. To love, to be loved. Had watched humans struggle for and with love. And she just though that was life on Earth. Maybe love was different here. She had to fight so hard for Alex’ love for so long before it became easy and like a second skin.

But Cat? Somehow loving her had never been a struggle. It just happened. And it comforted her like a warm blanket.

And Cat would admit that maybe Kara was onto something there. Because humans did struggle most of the time. At least Cat always had. As long as she could remember she had struggled to be loved and consequently fought hard for the loves she had. And then came Kara.

And she had fought with everything she had. Against it. Had tried to suppress it. But Kara was nothing like the loves she had before. Kara was something else entirely.

And it was time Cat stopped fighting.

So she let herself be pulled in, let herself fall. Into Kara and into their love and into what they could become.

And Kara wasted no time pulling her in.

Cat felt herself softening against Kara, desire starting to pool in the pit of her stomach as Kara’s teeth gently scraped her lower lip. A tiny flick of her tongue had Cat open her mouth and she shuddered and felt herself turning into liquid heat, dissolving under Kara’s loving touch, the gentle fingers at the nape of her neck. 

Steadying herself with a strong grasp on Kara’s shoulders, Cat rose up on her toes pressing herself against the younger woman in a desire to eliminate any space between them. Kara’s mouth was urgent, intoxicating, passionate like everything else about her and Cat felt like she was losing all sense of reality, like she was floating on thin air. Her hands clutched Kara to keep from falling.

Suddenly Kara broke away from her lips, moving on to rain tiny kisses all along her jaw, her cheeks and her eyelids. Feeling lightheaded, Cat took a deep breath and when she opened her eyes she realized she had not imagined it. They were floating a few inches above ground - not enough to be visible from afar or warrant any worry, but enough to show Kara’s tenuous grasp on her self control. 

Cat moved both hands up Kara’s neck and into her hair, thumbs on both sides wandering along the sensitive skin under her ears. She gave her another quick peck on the lips to get her attention and when Kara finally looked at her, Cat smirked with a raised eyebrow and gestured downward. Kara quickly realized what she had done and lowered them back down, an impressive blush quickly blossoming on her cheeks and all the way down her throat.

“As much as I want to continue this,” Cat breathed when her feet touched solid ground again, her hands only reluctantly moving down Kara’s arms and settling on grasping one hand, “and I promise we will. Later. But right now, I really need to see my son.”


End file.
